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Is it PRACTICAL to Abstain from Sex Before Marriage?

Some people think the only reason to abstain from sexual intimacy prior to marriage… would be religious.

But, for MANY practical reasons…

including:

for the overall well-being of future generations… who could be engendered (conceived) in sexual intimacy… ie. avoiding pregnancy in a non-optimal environment for children

to avoid ever seeing a child as a “failure” of birth control

to avoid any potential of a man feeling “trapped” by a pregnancy

to avoid the possible, horrible feeling of being broken up with / abandoned by someone after you’ve completely opened yourself up sexually

for the immunological health of the man and woman

for the emotional & psychological well-being of the man and woman… their mental health

for the social & spiritual well-being of the families of origin of the man and woman

to look forward to a marriage with someone of equal discipline and sense, and to offer your future mate your best judgment

for the financial security & stability of the man and woman

for the continued quality of friendship of the man and the woman, and also for their other friendships

for the continuity of development of the other pursuits of the man and woman, like work, education, hobbies, intellectual & cultural activities

because while abstinence is not popular, you believe in choosing the BEST outcome, not the common outcome, and confidently navigating any difficulty, if it’s for a good cause

for the clarity of mind that we need to discern who may make a great mate for us (avoiding the huge flood of oxytocin that clouds our objectivity & bonds us to WHOMEVER we get sexual with)

… remaining abstinent outside of marriage is the ONLY practical approach to sexual intimacy.

Meme about Saying No to Sex Before Marriage 2-17-2016

LET’S EXPLORE MORE ABOUT A MAN’S FREEDOM TO COURT &
A WOMAN’S FREEDOM TO BE COURTED:

If a WOMAN really wants a man to be FREE EVERY DAY to keep CHOOSING to continue to develop his romantic interest in her, rather than ever feeling forced to remain if he’s inclined to discontinue, she should avoid allowing any sexual involvement to influence the man’s selection of and pursuit of a woman for marriage. It feels MUCH better to know that the man pursuing you REALLY wants to be with you for WHO YOU ARE, in an overall sense — NOT because of what he can “get” sexually.

It can be very confusing for a man who “kinda likes” a woman, if she keeps the door open for sexual involvement. He won’t see a need or reason to break off the relationship with such a woman, even if he strongly desires to pursue other women. If he doesn’t truly want to be with you, unless & except for “receiving” sex, it’s not in your best interests to have him with you!

What might trick you into believing it’s better for you that he remain involved with you although he doesn’t love you just for your good company alone??
Your NON-FRIEND: Oxytocin.
[Oxytocin can be a rather sneaky opponent, outside of marriage. It can encourage you to stay vulnerable and open to a man who does not care much about your well-being. Within marriage, sex can encourage a man's sense of love and generosity towards his wife. Outside of marriage & commitment, a man tends to think much more of his own interests & satisfaction; and adding sex into the dynamic exacerbates this tendency.]

Oxytocin Meme 2-17-2016

If you EVER IN YOUR LIFE want the PHENOMENAL experience of being courted by a man who has genuine interest in you as a person, you need to close off sexual intimacy with any and all men, period. Psychologically healthy men who are genuinely interested in you as a person will NOT pursue you if they sense that you are emotionally, romantically, or sexually involved with another man, with another suitor. A man with good, serious intentions will want your attention! He will want to get to know you, and he’ll hope that you’ll WANT to get to know HIM. If you’re distracted by involvement with another man, YOU WILL NOT BE FREE to attend to a great suitor and free to fully be yourself and fully engage his attention. It’s a TURN-OFF to a well-intentioned man to discover that the object of his affection is not emotionally or socially available to be courted. Plus, if YOU’RE not FREE emotionally, you won’t be able to freely and fully appreciate the positive attention coming to you from an interested man. You’ll miss the fun, excitement, and intrigue of COURTSHIP. You’ll miss the romance. You’ll miss the wholesome rush and any potential blessings that could come your way through courtship. You’ll miss the chance to develop your confidence in his reasons for appreciating you.

If you skip courtship, and move into sexual intimacy prior to marriage, it could become very difficult to know with certainty whether his love is full and authentic. You won’t easily discern if he is trustworthy.

Courtship provides ample opportunity to discover all these important things — these things which are indispensable to a long, healthy, happy male/female relationship, and ultimately marriage.

Fortunately, whether and how much a man desires a woman… or a woman desires a man… is not a static thing. It’s a thing in motion and development. Individuals are either interested in pursuing or being pursued at any given moment, or they’re not, but this can CHANGE. And that’s a good thing. OUR CONDUCT can effect an increase or a decrease in a person’s interest in us. Give each person of the other gender a chance to show what he or she is made of… what he or she brings to the table… brings to their relationships… learn how they face conflict and contradiction… OVER TIME. See if your interest increases or decreases. See what you like and what you do not like about the person. Weigh whether anything you don’t like about the person is surmountable or tolerable… or if it’s actually a deal-breaker — ALL BEFORE SEXUAL INVOLVEMENT.

What women want in a man 2-18-2016

Many women express a concern — a fear that no desirable man will stick around and court them if they don’t provide sexual involvement. What many women don’t know is that for a well-intentioned man, a woman’s ability to say NO is actually a NECESSARY quality for him to grow in respect for her and to see her as a potential wife. He wants a woman who consciously and for good reasons DECIDES to accept his attention and DECIDES to accept HIM as a potential mate. Every time you say NO to sex, but YES to spending more time getting to know him… is time he knows you are choosing HIM above other men. This is such a great feeling to a well-intentioned man. Do NOT underestimate how good this feels. It is VERY affirming, at a very basic level.

You saying NO to sex, but YES to another date with him… openly assuring that you are indeed interested in him, inspires him to keep bringing his best to the relationship, so he can get to the next step… so he can KEEP your attention and stay in your good graces. A good man wants to be seen as a good man. YOU help him rise to HIS best potential, by accepting only quality, wholesome attention, and rejecting low-level attention. We ALL have effects on one another. NOT ONE of us is perfect, but YOU get to determine whether a man consistently brings you his best efforts, or whether when he’s around you… he allows himself to be ruled by his worst motivations… YOU provide the decisive factor in this dynamic, by YOUR CHOICE NOT to engage in sex outside of marriage.

By telling a man this, you also let a man know that Marriage is indeed part of your future panorama. In my experience, men treat “marriageable” women better than they treat women who don’t believe in marriage. YOU imply HOPE by believing in marriage. You imply HOPE in MEN. You communicate that you believe that he can be a good person. You BELIEVE in him. That feels great.

Marriage to inspire kids to want marriage 2-17-2016

If you disparage the institution of marriage, you are implying that either you or he, or both of you, are not capable of or worthy of such dedication and growth and love which marriage necessarily involves.

There is a Culture of Life, and there is a Culture of Death.
Within the culture of death, one finds despair, desperation, depression, anguish, despondency, disappointment, discouragement, bitterness, selfishness, fear, grief, negativity, bullying, isolation, decay & hopelessness. Within the culture of life, one finds energy, love, encouragement, healing, self-sacrifice, trust, heroism, tenderness, positive words, confidence, growth, connection, health, dedication, and hope.

In Nature, a healthy man will choose a mate who represents to him a Culture of Life.

Embody these characteristics of LIFE, and LIFE-LOVING men will be making a good choice in selecting you as a mate.

Marriage proposal 2-17-2016

A “Less Annoying” way to organize ALL your contacts.

Less Annoying CRM

For frustrated entrepreneurs who know a HUGE number of people…

Okay, I WAS going to write this just for entrepreneurs, but after writing the whole thing, I realize I want to share it with EVERYONE.

For entrepreneurs, I just want to share something I have been seeking for YEARS, and finally just found a few days ago. Do you know what a CRM system is? That stands for Customer Relations Management. It’s basically a computerized Rolodex that gives us lots of features to help us keep track of all the customers and prospects we have, and where we’re at with them. It reminds us what they have requested of us, keeps track of our appointments with them, and helps us follow-up and not forget things. There are MANY different systems that do this, and they can run from $0 to around $500 per month. The most expensive systems send automated messages to your contacts, etc., and personally, that is something I hope I never do, no matter how successful I become. Why? Because I find those “personalized” impersonal automated messages really annoying on a social and emotional level… especially the ones that are so well-written that at first I think they are actually personally written to ME!… only to be let down and realize I am a unit, a number, “just” a customer. The cheapest (free) systems don’t allow for much adjustment to suit your own particular business needs… it’s very “cookie-cutter, take it or leave it, one size fits all”.

But in any case, the truth is, I know a LOOOOOOTTTT of people. And I like to keep it personal. And while I like to think I have a good memory, the fact is I can’t keep track of many things that actually do matter to me about each individual I know. My Dad was one of the first people to use a “Palm Pilot” a couple of decades ago, and I discovered, in the most lovely way, how he used TECH to enhance the very personal, caring nature of his relationships. He was always taking a couple of minutes to jot down little notes in this device. I didn’t pay it much mind (“Oh, there goes Dad and his TECHIE stuff.” — insert eye-roll here), but I noticed that he would always remember to ask people things that showed he had listened very closely to their previous conversation, and tried to follow up and help them with their needs and goals.

Many years later (Feb. 2008), when he was on what turned out to be his death bed, my Dad was on life support after a very tragic and dramatic fall. The whole family flew in to pay our last respects and to support one another. We (per my mother and father’s wishes) turned off life support and had a last incredibly meaningful and memorable few moments. We went back to one of the large, cozy rooms this hospital had for family members grieving. The moment came — the announcement that my father had passed, and we were all consoling one another for a good while. We were just barely collecting ourselves emotionally, and suddenly we all heard my Dad’s palm pilot go off. We looked at each other with that, “Oh, dear. Ugh. Powerful sentiment. And what do we do NOW?” kind of look. My sister Mary Pat had brought my Dad’s Palm Pilot for him, and she had planned to re-purpose it. Everyone freaked a little. I asked her to hand it to me, because I would want to see ANYTHING from my Dad at that point.

I opened it up, clicked on the reminder, and up came this one task: “Give Mom Live, Laugh, Love.” I kid you not. So I read it out loud to a stunned room who became an incredibly BLUBBERY room… truly the spitting image of my always-sentimental father. Easy with his happy, loving tears. Walter Bergenn keeps loving and guiding even after his death — that is one COMMITTED DUDE!

Let this be a reminder that while TECH will never replace the human touch, the looking into someone’s eyes and listening; those of us who love “warm, fuzziness”, and “CONNECTION” should really UTILIZE TECH to enhance our ability to serve our highest Purpose. If you really want to help people be happy, healthy, reach their goals, etc… there’s nothing impersonal about being well-organized in how you do it.

That said, here is a link (http://www.lessannoyingcrm.com/a/32) to a system I have just chosen to utilize to make my next big leap in organizing my “customer” relations, which is really about organizing to best meet the needs of EVERYONE I know and care about. It’s on the way-inexpensive side, is service-oriented, and the system is pretty intuitive. Plus it allowed me to upload our Longevity Community Questionnaire! How cool is that?

Thanks for reading! Delight in your business, and share the Joy!

T. Bergenn

Longevity Consultant

Psoriasis — at your wits’ end, socially, physically, emotionally?

There are some diseases that have the reputation of being “UNCURABLE”.  AIDS, HERPES, DIABETES… and PSORIASIS.

When I first discovered some plaques on my face… near the sides of the bridge of my nose… I didn’t trip.  But after trying several so-called “remedies”, I had to do more research, and then found Psoria-Flora… a homeopathic cream which helped significantly… for a while, but the psoriasis was pretty tenacious.  I then read that once you have it, it can always come back… and usually does… and more often as we age.  Not a very promising prognosis.

But not only is PSORIASIS tenacious,  I AM TENACIOUS!  So I learned about the 5 elements of happy, healthy longevity; and I learned about superfoods, and fermented foods; and now I have my psoriasis UNDER CONTROL, with NO medication.

I met a very passionate man, who told me he had produced a film about Psoriasis.  “I’m Just Like You“.  He probably didn’t know why, but I zeroed in on his film.  I just HAD to see it.  First I watched the 6 minute trailer… with my fiance Edgar.  I felt so warm and embraced that this NICELY done clip, revealing some of the vulnerability, hassle and fear I’d experienced with psoriasis… was something I shared with my partner… and then I got to feel that he knows and loves and supports me on a still deeper level.

I also felt deep curiousity about the people in the trailer… it didn’t go deep enough for me, and I was intrigued to know if I’d get in the characters’ heads and their emotions, and their challenges and family relations if I watched the full length movie.  I sensed that I would feel comraderie and relief by watching the movie.  And I wondered if some of them might get benefit from what I’d been doing for MY Psoriasis.  So I got the movie from Fred — I was happy and proud to donate financially to get it, because I realized the $ goes to the cause of helping others with Psoriasis.

The movie was longer than I’d expected, which was cool, cuz I thought it might not go as deeply as I wanted into the characters and their family experiences.  It was a full length, feature film!  And I had 2 friends over to watch it with me.  They found the movie gripping on a dramatic, heart-level (and they were MEN!).  And I look forward to reaching out to the REAL FAMILIES featured in the film.  I hope to really get to know them, and together with them, help lots of other people with Psoriasis.