Is it PRACTICAL to Abstain from Sex Before Marriage?

Some people think the only reason to abstain from sexual intimacy prior to marriage… would be religious.

But, for MANY practical reasons…


for the overall well-being of future generations… who could be engendered (conceived) in sexual intimacy… ie. avoiding pregnancy in a non-optimal environment for children

to avoid ever seeing a child as a “failure” of birth control

to avoid any potential of a man feeling “trapped” by a pregnancy

to avoid the possible, horrible feeling of being broken up with / abandoned by someone after you’ve completely opened yourself up sexually

for the immunological health of the man and woman

for the emotional & psychological well-being of the man and woman… their mental health

for the social & spiritual well-being of the families of origin of the man and woman

to look forward to a marriage with someone of equal discipline and sense, and to offer your future mate your best judgment

for the financial security & stability of the man and woman

for the continued quality of friendship of the man and the woman, and also for their other friendships

for the continuity of development of the other pursuits of the man and woman, like work, education, hobbies, intellectual & cultural activities

because while abstinence is not popular, you believe in choosing the BEST outcome, not the common outcome, and confidently navigating any difficulty, if it’s for a good cause

for the clarity of mind that we need to discern who may make a great mate for us (avoiding the huge flood of oxytocin that clouds our objectivity & bonds us to WHOMEVER we get sexual with)

… remaining abstinent outside of marriage is the ONLY practical approach to sexual intimacy.

Meme about Saying No to Sex Before Marriage 2-17-2016


If a WOMAN really wants a man to be FREE EVERY DAY to keep CHOOSING to continue to develop his romantic interest in her, rather than ever feeling forced to remain if he’s inclined to discontinue, she should avoid allowing any sexual involvement to influence the man’s selection of and pursuit of a woman for marriage. It feels MUCH better to know that the man pursuing you REALLY wants to be with you for WHO YOU ARE, in an overall sense — NOT because of what he can “get” sexually.

It can be very confusing for a man who “kinda likes” a woman, if she keeps the door open for sexual involvement. He won’t see a need or reason to break off the relationship with such a woman, even if he strongly desires to pursue other women. If he doesn’t truly want to be with you, unless & except for “receiving” sex, it’s not in your best interests to have him with you!

What might trick you into believing it’s better for you that he remain involved with you although he doesn’t love you just for your good company alone??
Your NON-FRIEND: Oxytocin.
[Oxytocin can be a rather sneaky opponent, outside of marriage. It can encourage you to stay vulnerable and open to a man who does not care much about your well-being. Within marriage, sex can encourage a man's sense of love and generosity towards his wife. Outside of marriage & commitment, a man tends to think much more of his own interests & satisfaction; and adding sex into the dynamic exacerbates this tendency.]

Oxytocin Meme 2-17-2016

If you EVER IN YOUR LIFE want the PHENOMENAL experience of being courted by a man who has genuine interest in you as a person, you need to close off sexual intimacy with any and all men, period. Psychologically healthy men who are genuinely interested in you as a person will NOT pursue you if they sense that you are emotionally, romantically, or sexually involved with another man, with another suitor. A man with good, serious intentions will want your attention! He will want to get to know you, and he’ll hope that you’ll WANT to get to know HIM. If you’re distracted by involvement with another man, YOU WILL NOT BE FREE to attend to a great suitor and free to fully be yourself and fully engage his attention. It’s a TURN-OFF to a well-intentioned man to discover that the object of his affection is not emotionally or socially available to be courted. Plus, if YOU’RE not FREE emotionally, you won’t be able to freely and fully appreciate the positive attention coming to you from an interested man. You’ll miss the fun, excitement, and intrigue of COURTSHIP. You’ll miss the romance. You’ll miss the wholesome rush and any potential blessings that could come your way through courtship. You’ll miss the chance to develop your confidence in his reasons for appreciating you.

If you skip courtship, and move into sexual intimacy prior to marriage, it could become very difficult to know with certainty whether his love is full and authentic. You won’t easily discern if he is trustworthy.

Courtship provides ample opportunity to discover all these important things — these things which are indispensable to a long, healthy, happy male/female relationship, and ultimately marriage.

Fortunately, whether and how much a man desires a woman… or a woman desires a man… is not a static thing. It’s a thing in motion and development. Individuals are either interested in pursuing or being pursued at any given moment, or they’re not, but this can CHANGE. And that’s a good thing. OUR CONDUCT can effect an increase or a decrease in a person’s interest in us. Give each person of the other gender a chance to show what he or she is made of… what he or she brings to the table… brings to their relationships… learn how they face conflict and contradiction… OVER TIME. See if your interest increases or decreases. See what you like and what you do not like about the person. Weigh whether anything you don’t like about the person is surmountable or tolerable… or if it’s actually a deal-breaker — ALL BEFORE SEXUAL INVOLVEMENT.

What women want in a man 2-18-2016

Many women express a concern — a fear that no desirable man will stick around and court them if they don’t provide sexual involvement. What many women don’t know is that for a well-intentioned man, a woman’s ability to say NO is actually a NECESSARY quality for him to grow in respect for her and to see her as a potential wife. He wants a woman who consciously and for good reasons DECIDES to accept his attention and DECIDES to accept HIM as a potential mate. Every time you say NO to sex, but YES to spending more time getting to know him… is time he knows you are choosing HIM above other men. This is such a great feeling to a well-intentioned man. Do NOT underestimate how good this feels. It is VERY affirming, at a very basic level.

You saying NO to sex, but YES to another date with him… openly assuring that you are indeed interested in him, inspires him to keep bringing his best to the relationship, so he can get to the next step… so he can KEEP your attention and stay in your good graces. A good man wants to be seen as a good man. YOU help him rise to HIS best potential, by accepting only quality, wholesome attention, and rejecting low-level attention. We ALL have effects on one another. NOT ONE of us is perfect, but YOU get to determine whether a man consistently brings you his best efforts, or whether when he’s around you… he allows himself to be ruled by his worst motivations… YOU provide the decisive factor in this dynamic, by YOUR CHOICE NOT to engage in sex outside of marriage.

By telling a man this, you also let a man know that Marriage is indeed part of your future panorama. In my experience, men treat “marriageable” women better than they treat women who don’t believe in marriage. YOU imply HOPE by believing in marriage. You imply HOPE in MEN. You communicate that you believe that he can be a good person. You BELIEVE in him. That feels great.

Marriage to inspire kids to want marriage 2-17-2016

If you disparage the institution of marriage, you are implying that either you or he, or both of you, are not capable of or worthy of such dedication and growth and love which marriage necessarily involves.

There is a Culture of Life, and there is a Culture of Death.
Within the culture of death, one finds despair, desperation, depression, anguish, despondency, disappointment, discouragement, bitterness, selfishness, fear, grief, negativity, bullying, isolation, decay & hopelessness. Within the culture of life, one finds energy, love, encouragement, healing, self-sacrifice, trust, heroism, tenderness, positive words, confidence, growth, connection, health, dedication, and hope.

In Nature, a healthy man will choose a mate who represents to him a Culture of Life.

Embody these characteristics of LIFE, and LIFE-LOVING men will be making a good choice in selecting you as a mate.

Marriage proposal 2-17-2016

Abortion: Where is the Empathy & Understanding for Women?

I KNOW that God and the Pope would be FAR MORE empathetic in their treatment of women who’ve had abortions than the way some of the anti-abortion people treat women who’ve aborted.

I also hear some pro-abortion activists adamantly insisting that if a person doesn’t fully accept abortion, he or she is being “judgmental”.

But where is the sweet spot? The merciful spot? The non-judgmental spot? The concern for women with very rough lives? Seeking to understand them?

Can a person be understanding and compassionate to women… and also oppose abortion — motivated by that same compassion, rather than motivated by judgment?

God is Merciful even to Abortionists 1-30-2016

In conversations (that’s the charitable word) about abortion these days, people on either side of the issue can get fairly HOSTILE.

Even worse, when these “conversations” occur ONLINE, some people feel further emboldened by the relative anonymity, and get downright nasty.

I’ve been listening closely to people on both sides of the issue. But lately I have been even MORE carefully listening to the Pro-Abortion/Pro-Choice people.

I’ve been doing my best to really break through the impasse and engage; listen with mercy, and hear the motivations women had when they aborted; listen and hear the particular challenges and questions underlying those motivations: the conditions of their lives in this modern world that led them to where they found themselves when they decided an abortion was the best choice they could see.

I’m opposed to abortion, and yet I’ve had abortions. So what gives, right? What happened?!

First, let me say this: I KNOW how AMAZING it felt ultimately to SEEK FORGIVENESS, and to then be forgiven.

But it didn’t happen overnight.

For many, many years, I didn’t believe or feel that I’d done anything wrong.

Confession meme Reconciliation 1-30-2016

And I was totally UNREPENTANT, as I believed (and still believe) people should NOT be repentant for things that are not wrong.

I think that’s where a lot of pro-abortion women are right now. They don’t want to be “shamed” about something they don’t feel ashamed of. That makes them angry. And I can certainly see why: Everyone who knows anything about Jesus knows that he said to the men who were “shaming” and actually about to kill a woman adulterer/prostitute, “Let he among you who is without sin… cast the first stone.”

I can’t say that my path will ever be a common path to “seeing the light” about abortion.

But when my whole world and beliefs got shaken to their core, by a break-up I didn’t anticipate at all… I opened my mind and heart to learn more about relationships & grow, and it led me where I’d never expected to go.

One of my sisters gave me the book “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs when she saw me hurting while my former marriage was writhing in the death throws of its last chapter. I felt completely powerless to change my circumstances, because I was powerless to change my husband’s heart. We were still married, but as I later discovered, he’d made up his mind, and had already moved on. All I knew is we were separating, and I didn’t know why. I was floored. Perplexed. I had to face the music (that I didn’t necessarily relish hearing): I had contributed to the demise of my relationship, by my abortion and also by my other unilateral decisions. I could have just stayed arrogant, but sadness, loss, love, hope, humility, and a sense of heartbreak moved in me. And I read the book. The book shed light on my persistent self-orientation, and awakened me to what was undermining our relationship. The book didn’t break through to my heart by criticizing me, of course, but by showing the typical patterns of disharmony in relationships, and offering a healthy, do-able alternative to those patterns. The book put me in a position to see MY part in ruining a relationship I loved… to also see my part in undermining the well-being of a man I loved deeply. I ditched the old lenses I was wearing (my old view of relationships), and I would never want to put them on again, because I love people, but with my outlook of doing everything “my way” I’d been harming people.

Love and Respect book 2-6-2016

The words on those pages humbled me. The book actually has a very Biblical orientation and foundation. I didn’t have peace with that as I began reading, since I was an atheist at the time, but I was THIRSTY for understanding, and I couldn’t argue with the seemingly timeless truths the book was outlining. Everything the author asserted about where men are generally coming from resonated with my life experiences. I reflected on my father, my brother, my previous boyfriends, my husband, etc., and just men in general. My throat swelled in a knot as I cried with the recognition of how this Christian approach would make for FAR more harmonious relationships with men than my secular, progressive approach. I’d been projecting onto men what I THOUGHT was best for ALL of us. Yet the approach of the book would clearly YIELD for BOTH men and women what they desperately need and want, in order to THRIVE together harmoniously, whereas “my” way, and the way of feminism, was yielding unforgiveness, pride, strife, and division.

And that was the beginning. Once I took off the lenses of “I’m right about everything”, and put on the lenses of humility, the lenses of mercy for another…, I began learning again. My heart softened. Gradually, I “put on Christ.” See, I think when we get into trying to get political power to change things that are supposed to be dealt with in another arena… we stagnate in our spiritual and moral development. That’s what I had been doing for over 20 years: Advancing an agenda to seize and wield political power. But I’d not cultivated any of the softness that can melt a person’s heart so they voluntarily want to address the needs of the other person.

The rest is history.


I was raised Catholic. Catholicism welcomes and cherishes the new life in ALL pregnancies. Catholicism never chooses to impose death on new life.
That made sense to me at that time, because my family and I all relished life! We were infused with faith, hope & love. And we confidently believed in our creative ability to address problems through life-supporting options.

While I’m SO glad to have returned to my PRO-LIFE VIEWS, there was indeed a VERY LONG (24 year) IDEOLOGICAL DETOUR:


Each occasion I chose to abort, circumstances were a little different.
The first time was in a panic. I believed I was pregnant in my 4th year in college, and though I was in love with my boyfriend at the time, the father of the baby, I was petrified about what I envisioned of life having a baby at that time and in that way (unmarried, not finishing college after over 3 years invested, etc). I was still Catholic at that time (although I’d already become somewhat pro-choice* a few years earlier). I curled up in a ball in the corner on the floor, and I went to God and TOTALLY broke down! I was so fearful, and I told Him I couldn’t handle it, and I basically asked Him to “take this cup from me if He would” and very soon I miscarried, technically. I saw large clots during my period, and I was afraid to further examine them. But I believed what I saw was a fetus of very early term.

Not long after that, I ditched my faith, in favor of Feminism & then Communism, which I had been learning a LOT about during my 4 years in college. The motivation for me to become pro-choice was my anger and contempt at even the THOUGHT that 9 (white) men on a high court could have the authority over such personal & life-determining decisions faced by women. My life had not led me to see and believe that men would take very seriously the expressed, deeply considered thoughts and feelings and concerns of women. I believed that men in general were very dismissive of women’s concerns and thoughts. And because I so highly valued some women’s perspectives, I thought it very immoral to DISMISS, to obliterate, women’s role in any important decision-making process, much less a decision about the care of babies, which I saw in society was principally women’s domain. And because I didn’t believe it was wrong to make decisions of conscience, I defended this legal “right” of women to do so. Over time, I believed as scientifically true the assertions of the most adamant segments of the pro-choice movement, like that there is no difference between the woman’s disposable cheek cells and fetal tissue cells, and that the distinct emergence of a fetus into separate social life at birth is the only time we as a society can ascribe social, legal rights to this being.

I used to believe the abortion industry marketing themes.  1-26-2016
These and other supposed “justifications” for abortion are actually MARKETING THEMES for the abortion industry, which don’t align with any scientific view of the development of human life, like the UNIQUENESS of a growing, unborn baby insofar as the baby’s UNIQUE DNA relative to the mother, is irrefutable established at conception. Because at the time I thought the trimester concept of fetal development (as it could relate to permission to abort based on timing) was utterly arbitrary, and the question of any potential viability of a fetus would clearly involve nebulous speculation and subjective projection and guesswork by medical professionals, I even upheld the right to abortion right up until birth. The “Women Are Not Incubators” argument: Because I believed that women’s “full participation” in ALL realms of life must trump their secondary and voluntary choice to reproduce, I was PRO ABORTION. I believed the State had a vested interest in controlling women, and that it used the convenient factor common to all women, their reproductive ability, as a club to keep them from rising up to change society, I was PRO-ABORTION. I denied any duty to nurture any dependent life within her, because I saw the WOMAN’S LIFE as principal. And I saw women in their independence and rebelliousness as a vital force for revolutionary change in society.

So, basically from the time I adopted Communist views til the time I released such views in favor of a Culture of Life (including the basic health of my own life)… I promoted the unrepentantly pro-abortion position of “abortion on demand and without apology” position, for all women. The crude sense of entitlement embodied in this position is surpassed only by its callousness to the young of our species.

As a Resident Assistant/Advisor of my dormitory in my second or third year of college, I once counseled a young, pregnant, thoughtful, caring student who approached me to request an appointment for “support” in making a decision whether to abort her child. I told her “I can listen to you, and show you the kind, loving ear you’re seeking, but in full disclosure I am quite against abortion, so I’m most certainly not impartial. Do you still want to talk with me about your dilemma?” She said yes, and within a couple of days we sat and met at length to discuss the situation of her life and pregnancy. I won’t reveal much here because our discussion was in confidence. But she’d done a lot of drugs, and she felt that no baby deserves to have the foundation of their new life be formed by harmful drugs used by the mother. I listened to all her life circumstances, and she’d been particularly thorough in considering the concerns of EVERYONE involved. She seemed to be making her decision from a place of love. But there was a defeatist, #CultureOfDeath, element, too. She insisted she was addicted to drugs and did not want to quit, and would refuse to quit. The father of the baby in question was quite abusive, and she feared what her future life would look like if she were to be tied to him and accessible to him forever BY LAW by a baby born to them. The long and short of it is that what I would do and say to such a woman now is somewhat different than what I would do and say to this young woman in college back then. BUT, what was clear to me at the time… was that NONE of the Supreme Court Justices would be in a position to, or willing to, listen to the complex, historical and present circumstances of this woman’s life and that of her family members, in order to take this under consideration, in a relevant way and a way timely enough for any individual woman’s pregnancy. I felt empathy for the woman and her circumstances. I saw that the Supreme Court decision-makers had ZERO empathy for her, because they didn’t know her, and couldn’t know all the women in the country who each had their own reasons… reasons that I couldn’t know either, despite my desire to be supportive and empathetic. So I resolved in my mind at the time that NO GOVERNMENT BODY could ever be in a position to fairly decide about the circumstances of any woman’s pregnancy, and that only the individual woman would be in the best position to see the various and interwoven dynamics of her particular life, and to some degree that of her family.

The problem with this… in addition to the very real fact of an engendered baby’s fundamental and inalienable right to life… is the disintegration of life, giving in to the decadent factor, and choosing the demise of life, instead of building up life, opening to solutions, retaining hope, and steering the scientific support of people into bolstering life, instead of giving up on and terminating life itself.

Pope Francis on Mercy 2-8-2016

Had we been in a culture that ALWAYS upholds the life of the unborn baby, we would be able to address the other problems the woman was facing — trying to break up with an abusive boyfriend, feeling depressed, angry, & rebellious, and abusing drugs — both individually and in the larger societal context. If we “kill” all our problems, we won’t learn and experience resolving not only our apparent problems, but whatever dynamics underlie our apparent problems. … ie. a shortcut to stagnation and arrested development.

One problem that should be addressed as a society is the very frequent sexual engagement of minors and unmarried people, even adults. The point isn’t to “CONTROL” the adults, but to EMPOWER them, to help people get in touch with what they REALLY want: Which NEEDS, particularly emotional needs, are we trying to fulfill with sex? I mean, there is no physical NEED for sexual engagement. Let’s not be confused about this: Sex is a desire, a want. Once we figure out which NEEDS a person is trying to address by substituting sex, we as a society, and the person him or herself, can address meeting those unmet needs. So we will ACTUALLY MEET UNMET NEEDS! Amazing! And we’ll have a bonus: LESS ADDICTION in society. People getting in touch with their deepest desires, their Purpose. Feeling enthused about who they are and what they do in LIFE. Feeling valued internally, instead of relying on the very superficial SEX-APPEAL which is SUCH a poor substitute for self-esteem and happiness with peers, family, and community. Increased productivity and an improved economy as people pursue their callings unencumbered by all the divisive drama surrounding inappropriate sex.

If we give in to people REPLACING THAT healthy dreaming and development towards their dreams… with DECADENT activity… we are already giving in to DEATH. We are letting mental illness (defined only in this context as opting to pursue death instead of pursue & enjoy life) to lead society. The blind leading the blind, so to speak. Our elders, collectively, have SO much wisdom to share, and instead, we as a society are more and more following the lead of the inexperienced, immature and maladjusted, while rejecting the wisdom and expertise of the elders. Is it any wonder that in our culture, not only do youth suffer, but elders suffer disproportionately from isolation and depression, as we toss aside their indispensable wisdom, thus discarding the valuable Purpose of their Life? Oh yeah, we have a “solution” for that, too — assisted suicide. GREAT!

#CultureOfLife vs #CultureOfDeath



Briefly, I’d like to touch on 3 arguments frequently & aggressively addressed to Christians by pro-choice/pro-abortion people:

1.) “You only care about babies until they’re born!” From a cursory or even a thorough look at adoption in our society, as well as from a look at various existent charities which help women with dependent children, it is abundantly clear that Christians are consistently and generously involved in the support of [born] children. Will we as a society have to further support and further develop these channels of support as we minimize and aim to eliminate abortion? Definitely! Are Christians of the collective heart and mind to do that? Not universally, but by and large, YES. But whether one is Christian or not, one should support lifestyles and laws which take into full consideration the basic needs to provide for the young of our species as a whole. In FACT, this framework is found at the heart of ALL Catholic doctrine on relationships & sexuality (like our views on abortion, pre-marital sex, marriage, homosexuality, etc)! We are champions of care for children. We, as the Body of Christ, believe in picking up the pieces of the wreckage caused by sin and selfishness (our own and that of others). We believe in forgiveness & redemption. We believe in active, practical LOVE.

2. “If you oppose abortion, you absolutely MUST support birth control!” As most forms of birth control impede the natural unitive and procreative aspects of sexual intercourse, these are not supported by the Catholic Church. Natural Family Planning is not opposed by the Catholic Church for married couples who welcome new life but seek to avoid having children in such numbers and timing that they believe could impede their ability to provide what is best for their children. The elephant in the room is the engagement in sexual activity by people who are in no position to freely & fully unite, let alone procreate in a united context in which they could properly care for the children potentially resulting from the Natural act of intercourse. So those who seek Catholic guidance will find that we only support sexual intimacy among people who are in a committed, married relationship. Children deserve a united mother and father. And we must address FIRST and FOREMOST these indispensable needs of all CHILDREN, including potential FUTURE CHILDREN. There is no inherent “RIGHT” to sexual engagement outside of the context of the proper provision for prospective offspring. This may currently exist as a LEGAL right. But it is not a REAL right, insofar as it opposes the most basic rights of the young of our species. There are MANY problems with birth control even aside from these Catholic Christian moral perspectives. Natural law indicates that some number of occasions of birth control utilization will “fail” (imagine viewing a new member of our species as a “failure” — again, the twisted anti-life perspective is readily apparent here), and in these instances, for those who do not desire to have a child, many will “logically” (by THEIR anti-life “logic”) insist on their “right” to extinguish the new life, in pursuit of a certain, preferred QUALITY of life. RIGHTS must exist to protect BASIC life, first and foremost and necessarily on that foundation. Without that fundamental right, no other rights (like the right to liberty and the pursuit of happiness) make any sense.

3. “Miscarriages terminate the life of a fetus, too. And a high percentage of embryos naturally never come to full term. There is no difference between the loss of life in abortion & the commonplace shedding of life in spontaneous miscarriage.” There is a huge difference between natural death and intentional killing. This is readily apparent in the legal distinctions between murder, manslaughter, and deaths due to “natural causes.” This argument is ridiculous, but I wanted to include it here, because it is asserted so often, and I’d like to “sacarlo en cara… francamente.” If you are still supporting abortion by citing this supposed justification, your principles are completely bereft of value for the living, and you could justify killing people because they could drop over and die tomorrow anyway if you don’t kill them.


Perhaps FOR A FUTURE BLOG, I’ll expand on the experiences of my other abortions, including those experienced within my former marriage. For now, suffice it to say… that in addition to ending lives that I had no REAL right to end (although I had 100% LEGAL right to do so), I “disappeared”, or obliterated, the deeply felt dreams and desires of my husband… in the service of dreams I thought mattered more. He had a different vision for our life. I believed it was MY right and my responsibility to decide, and to choose abortion. I was wrong. Life has SO much to teach us. Trust LIFE to do that. When we trust our own thoughts and project our own unilateral desires in such a way that brings us into a fundamental contradiction with the basic continuation of innocent, human life, it’s time to QUESTION EVERYTHING WE THINK & EVERYTHING WE DESIRE.


To explore the NEW, pro-women perspectives about abortion, given the relatively recent, developing, scientific consensus about the life of a human being beginning at conception… I recommend googling Abby Johnson. She is organizing a Pro-Woman, Pro-Life conference for June, 2016 in Dallas, Texas.

What message could possibly diminish women’s confidence more… than asserting their incapacity to bear a child, or to responsibly choose whether to RAISE that child or give the child to a couple who CAN.

Are We Discouraging Motherhood? 10-5-2015

For emotional and spiritual healing after abortions you’ve experienced or participated in, you might want to google Rachel’s Vineyard.

To connect with Tracy Hernandez on Twitter, please follow me at @Organics4Free. I build a Longevity Community that celebrates and shares a #CultureOfLife, including the 5 elements of longevity. For unborn babies, this means they need US to defend the natural development of their lives prior to birth.

To see the type of perspectives about women I USED to promote, and now patently reject as flawed and in contradiction with Nature and with the basic Purpose of human life:

To receive consistent, easy-access, spiritual, personal, and ideological support for your #CultureOfLife, from conception to natural death, listen to the fascinating radio shows and podcasts at You can also connect on Twitter at @IHRadio .

Has FEMINISM ever…?

Why I'm Not a Feminist Meme

Before becoming a mother, in the order of the Holy Family, a woman becomes a WIFE.

She may bear children or not, but she remains a WIFE. This is her VOCATION.

What IS a WIFE? What does she do? Is it important? Is it unique, compared to — say — a live-in girlfriend? Or a baby’s mother?
Is it particularly spiritual? Is it anything like being a priest or a nun?
I believe this question is FAR TOO INFREQUENTLY EXAMINED and that the role of “WIFE” is WAY too UNDER-APPRECIATED.

We’ve had 50 years of feminism — it’s everywhere, and has apparently “advanced” tremendously.
Have we come a long way, baby? Or have we walked further down a plank?
Away from men, away from harmonious marital relationships with men, especially.
Are we happier?
Do we not need marriage?
Are our children thriving?

Women, who are wives: WHAT DO YOU DO? What do you see as your unique value in your role as WIFE?

I invite my brothers in Christ to speak about the importance you see of WIVES… in society, and in the Church:
What does it mean — what CAN it mean to your life — to have a great WIFE?
What do you expect from a WIFE?
What would you most look for in seeking a woman specifically to MARRY and spend your life with?

And I ask my sisters in Christ: Do you feel valued as a WIFE?
Why? Or why not?
What makes your vocation special to you?
Did you always want to be a wife?
What do you know now about being a WIFE that you didn’t know when you first got married?
If there were ONE LESSON you could share with maturing young women, about how to become a GREAT WIFE, what would it be?

In each vocation in the Catholic Church, the person lives a life of faith and prayer to continually grow in relationship with God. The Church recognizes that each vocation is equal in the sense that no vocation is better or less than any other. However, because God calls you to a particular vocation – whether marriage, priesthood, religious life or single life – that vocation is the best one for you, and the one that will ‘fit’ you best and make you the most happy. from

Original art: graphic, meme, slogan… by Tracy Hernandez
All rights reserved.

Former Lesbian on US Supreme Court’s Decision to Uphold Same-Sex Marriage

On the United States Supreme Court’s decision today to uphold same sex “marriage”:

I lived as a lesbian for a while. People can and do shift their attractions… quite frequently. Some women who’ve dated “bad boys” make a conscious shift to allow themselves to see what’s attractive about kind, stable men, for example. Some people choose to focus on something like feet, clothing style, hair or skin color, etc. and make a fetish of it… only to later change. Some people feel attractions they think would be potentially harmful to act upon, so they do not act upon these attractions — like married individuals who choose not to cheat on their spouse. And unmarried individuals who choose not to fornicate. It’s a choice

“Born that way” holds no merit when discussing actions people CHOOSE. SO MANY people have bought the #LGBTQ #propaganda, believing that same-sex attraction is “born in”. There is no evidence of such a genetic predisposition. AND many married people find themselves powerfully sexually attracted to MANY people with whom they are not married. And they ought to refrain from sexually interacting with them, as they have made a commitment which bars such conduct. I have refrained from inappropriate sexual activity. And when I did NOT refrain, I participated in SIN. Fact.

Some people choose not to immerse themselves in Christ’s words and deeds, and not to obey Him, but nonetheless to cloak themselves in His Name. This is blasphemy, and it’s very grievous to God. Lord, help me to follow your path and yours alone… in your name.

I believe one thing that has weakened society’s relationship to truth is that a great number of people want the “freedom” to do whatever they wish, particularly regarding sexual conduct, and to cloak it in God’s name. They defend pornography, lust, sex before and outside of marriage, contraception, abortion, S&M, masturbation, polyamory — basically, there are no holds barred. And they REFUSE to back away from using God’s holy name to justify all these practices, NONE of which God wanted for us.

Truth becomes subordinate to their desires. They see no harm or evil in almost any sexual activity, but that’s not because none exists. Their lens is clouded by their strong affinity with freedom to act how they wish sexually.

Fact is, MANY people choose to “ALLOW THEMSELVES” to pursue same sex attraction and act upon it. This conduct doesn’t stop being sinful simply because they also GIVE THEMSELVES PERMISSION to uphold their own definition of “love” devoid of a concept of OBEDIENCE to God.

For those of us SO GRATEFUL to be Our Good Shepherd’s sheep, whom he has found, rescued, and picked up in his loving arms, we are GLAD to OBEY.

In this world, independence and individualism are prized. But Jesus asked us to live with different values. He didn’t JUST love and accept us the way we are. He HEALED us and told us to Go and Sin No More. Only ONE in TEN lepers returned to thank Him for the healing. Are YOU grateful?

Lift up your eyes to the Lord. He’s merciful. And… He absolutely will NOT lead your life if you choose not to follow Him. He reaches out to us again and again, with HIS FORM of love, which we should LEARN from, by receiving, and not denying, Him.

And the one most important “freedom to choose whom to love” is the freedom to LOVE & ACCEPT CHRIST and ALL He gives us, including Biblical instruction & the Church He gave us before He accepted death on a cross on our behalf. Accept that, rather than twisting Jesus’ “acceptance” to supposedly include a “love” that embraces Sin. Don’t believe in Sin?? Say that, then. Be intellectually and spiritually honest. Don’t say you are a follower of Christ, who dedicated Himself to resist the Devil right before He subjected & submitted Himself to God’s most difficult mission for Him. He OBEYED His Father in heaven rather than seeking His own pleasure. He even completely forewent the joy of sex personally, focusing on LOVING all people by forgiving them their SINS. Christ believed in the threat of Sin, the Devil, and Hell. He gave His ALL for us to see this. If you don’t have eyes to see, nor ears to hear, I pray that something will touch and open your heart. Maybe it will be when you bump into a big, sorrowful reason to regret your choices. Maybe when you hear the painful cries and see the tears of neglected children, betrayed partners… who took a back seat to our hedonistic choices.

HEY! This is NOT about just same-sex intimate relations. This is about ALL the Sins we participate in when we choose our own pleasure above the plan God our Maker has provided for us. I’ve experienced the pain & seen the results of my choices. Others have also experienced pain from MY many Sinful choices. This dynamic humbled me, and broke my prideful spirit, and I opened my heart and eyes and ears to hear God’s calling. I returned to God and saw how MY ways were NO MATCH for God’s ways.

I had been an atheist for a very long while, too. But God courted me and melted my stony heart, and won me over. HE IS so great. I don’t have ANY shame in submitting. In obeying. Do YOU?

God made us to experience GREAT JOY!
Genesis 4:6-7 “Why are you angry?” the Lord asked him. “Why is your face so dark with rage? It can be bright with joy if you will do what you should! But if you refuse to obey, watch out. Sin is waiting to attack you, longing to destroy you. But you can conquer it!”

There are consequences to our Sinful actions which will not be ignorable. I write because I’ve experienced them. I feel like a canary in the mine. I was on a decadent path to death, and life was by no means assured. God blessed me with another chapter. He didn’t have to do that, but He did, yes He did, yes He did! And I thank Him! I now feel tremendous joy in life, and I want God’s joy for everyone. Truth is there are no shortcuts. Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. And He’s very available to you.

#SSM isn’t God’s definition of #marriage
#FormerLesbian #Hasbian

In a future blogpost I’ll write about how I went from being raised a devout Catholic to becoming an atheist in college and how this was related to my insufficient responses to others’ sins; my unresolved issues around “women’s oppression” and how this relates with choices of sexuality & sexual expression; and societal politics. Please stay tuned!